Managing Overwhelm Amid Trump's Chaos
To fight the inhumanity of our enemies, we must nurture our own humanity, and cherish what makes our existence meaningful and worthwhile.
I have been thinking a lot about arrival lately: how we show up for a task, how we begin our day, and how we enter a space together. In Understory, a spiritual discussion group I co-organize for activists, we often say that "arrival is a process." In addition to stepping outside of one’s comfort zone, joining a group discussion also means breaking with the norms of isolation, which are not the least bit comforting, but have become routine for many of us. Joining a discussion, collaborating with strangers, or simply starting a new day can be difficult even under relatively normal circumstances, whether due to grief, depression, fatigue, or the alienating nature of our society. We are, of course, not living in normal times. Techno-fascists are looting the US government as our death-making system grows ever more authoritarian and unstable. Each day delivers a new litany of disasters. It is overwhelming. But as Judith Butler recently wrote, “While there is every reason to be outraged, we cannot let that outrage flood us and stop our minds.”
Managing Overwhelm
How do we move through such times? I recently spoke with my Understory co-facilitator Tanuja Jagernauth about this subject. Tanuja is a healer, activist, cultural worker, and educator, and she regularly leads the grounding exercises that open our Understory discussions. "In times like these, when it’s easy to operate in an aggressive, panicked, or reactive mode, it’s crucial to pause, observe ourselves, and check in about our own needs and the needs of others," Tanuja told me. "Making necessary adjustments helps us stay as grounded and centered as possible while keeping everything moving."
Tanuja pointed to fractures and in-fighting occurring among people with shared values and interests as evidence that we are not attending to our emotional needs. “Look around,” she said. “We are doing too much harm to one another. As a result, our beings, our relationships, our work, and our movements are suffering.”
To work in opposition to the violent, dehumanizing politics being thrust upon us, we must adopt a political posture that centers our shared humanity and regard for one another. “We need to help reduce the harm and suffering all around us,” Tanuja said. “And if we can’t do that, at the very least, we can take active measures to not to add to it.”
Amid our grief and disappointment, many people fail to consider how their words and actions may contradict their goals. Venting and expressing pain often take precedence over making persuasive arguments or fostering the political alignment necessary for collective action. While all of our feelings are real and must be felt, it’s important to remember that not every emotion needs to be expressed in every context. As we move through the world, seeking to influence political beliefs and actions, we must ask ourselves: What do we want people to do? And are we speaking and acting in ways that make those outcomes more likely?
Remember, you cannot organize people you hold in contempt.
In our Understory sessions, we encourage people who are participating in the conversation to start from a place of curiosity or compassion, rather than defaulting to contempt, when something makes us uneasy. After all, curiosity and contempt rarely coexist well, and one of our shared goals is to understand each other better, even when we disagree.
When deciding what to communicate, especially in public, we should ask ourselves what values we want to see expressed during these times. Rather than participating in public angsting, we should uplift actions that are praiseworthy, speak to our values, and share resources that can help people take action.
“Now, perhaps more than ever before, it is imperative that we act and speak with as much clarity, intention, and purpose as possible,” Tanuja emphasized. “It’s imperative that we stay curious, stay connected to our radical imaginations, and stay as human as possible. If we’re stuck in a fear-based, reactive, panic, it’s very difficult to communicate and act effectively, and right now we need to be as effective as we can be.”
However, knowing that we should be constructive doesn’t mean that our feelings won’t sometimes get the better of us.
“When we start to notice ourselves beginning to act outside our values, or just showing up in ways that we don’t want to show up, it’s important to pause to get centered and grounded,” Tanuja said. “What this looks like will vary, depending on the person, their needs, and the support or resources they can access in that moment.”
Activities Tanuja suggests may help people ground and center themselves include “shaking excess energy out of our bodies,” engaging in breathing exercises, allowing ourselves to cry or scream into a pillow, having a mini dance party, taking a walk, meditating, stretching, drinking a tall glass of cold water, journaling, chewing peppermint gum or eating peppermint candy, or calling a friend or therapist.
"I recommend identifying your personal signs of overwhelm and recognizing your most common triggers," Tanuja said. "Write them down, along with a step-by-step self-care plan for when you start to feel overwhelmed or triggered."
Becoming emotionally dysregulated can compromise our ability to assess our needs and take constructive action. “When we’re already overwhelmed and triggered, it can be hard to remember what we can do to return to our baseline,” Tanuja explained. “If we’re able to notice the signs that we’re triggered or approaching our threshold, we can reach for our self-care plan and activate it.”
Once you have a care plan, including personal best practices for moments of overwhelm, consider sharing that information with people you trust. “If you have friends or trusted comrades you can share all of this with, I recommend doing that and communicating in advance about how folks prefer to check in if they begin to notice each other’s stress indicators showing up,” Tanuja said.
What Makes You Feel Held?
I have found cherished daily rituals incredibly grounding during these unstable times. Every morning, for example, I wake up at least ten or twenty minutes before I have to get out of bed, and I crawl into my partner’s arms. Beginning each day by placing my head on his shoulder and feeling the warmth between us is intensely therapeutic for me. Sometimes, it’s my favorite part of the day. I recognize that not everyone has a partner to cuddle with or a schedule that allows them to begin the day in such a manner, but I think, for most of us, it’s worth exploring the question: What makes you feel held? Solo activities that I find soothing and centering include slowly savoring a cup of tea and engaging in gentle strength-building exercises.
Sometimes, when my nerves are frayed, I find that familiar sensory input can help me regulate my emotions. I have playlists I turn to for confidence, social energy, and relaxation. My body has grown accustomed to syncing my emotional beats with the beats of the music. Lately, I’ve often found myself playing Star Trek: The Next Generation in the background while I work. I am so familiar with TNG that its storylines and dialogue easily fade into the background as I read and write. From a sensory standpoint, I am basically co-working with Data, Geordi, Picard, and other characters I have enjoyed since I was a child.
Spending time in the company of stories that suggest a better future is possible soothes me, just as my turmeric tea soothes me.
My friend Andrea Ritchie believes that imagining a better future is important in these times. “I recommend spending 15 minutes a day dreaming about an alternate reality or alternate ending, in this moment, and then trying to think of one thing you can do to help make that dream real,” she told me. Alternately, Andrea recommends spending 15 minutes per day “dreaming about anything.”
Fascism thrives on our sense that it is unstoppable, all-consuming, and inevitable. To oppose it and to remind ourselves that we are capable of defeating it, we must exercise our imaginations.
As a centering exercise, Andrea suggests that you “find your feet under you, breathe, remember who you are connected to, what is at your back (what you have been through, survived and learned already), who has your back, and what you care about.” Then, act in accordance with those truths.
Centering Ourselves Together
While all of these personal practices and exercises are important, we are not moving through these times alone. To build political projects that have the power to make change, we have to work together. Biologically, we are social, interdependent, and cooperative beings. But this system has alienated us from one another, by design, because isolated individuals are easier to control than strong communities and collectives.Our need for each other is at odds with the forces that isolate us—including the effects of trauma, exclusionary social frameworks, and social norms that have eroded our communication skills—and that contradiction often leaves us feeling sick inside. In the best of times, many of us find ourselves ill-equipped to engage with each other constructively, and as we have established, these are not the best of times.
It is, therefore, more important than ever that we take people’s emotional needs seriously when we are seeking to bring people together in group settings. This begins with thinking about what it’s like to enter a space, especially as a newcomer.
As my friend Lisa Fithian once told me:
Whenever anybody walks into a new space, their limbic system is getting activated. Like, “Am I welcome, am I not? Am I in, am I out?” And so the more we can immediately embrace people and bring them in to help them regulate themselves is essential to bringing people into the fold. Bringing in practices of sharing food, taking time to do check-ins, taking time to actually learn one another.
As a facilitator, I have found that people often enter a space with a lot of emotional noise ringing in their ears. They may be preoccupied with past conflicts, grieving the impacts of a brutal news cycle, or worried about how they’ll make rent this month. As Lisa notes, they may also be worried about how they will be treated in a new space. Will they be welcome? Will they be understood? Will they be safe? They may also wonder if the gathering will be worth whatever sacrifices they have made in order to be present. If they are a leader or facilitator themselves, they might be overly focused on how they would conduct the space.
As human beings, we all have the potential to become unwitting agents of chaos, and it only takes one dysregulated person to derail an entire meeting—or, potentially, an entire organization. For this reason, I like to begin workshops and events that address heavy subjects with a grounding exercise to foster connection among participants and cultivate a shared sense of purpose.
Grounding exercises can be simple or more involved, depending on the needs of the group and the tone of the occasion. At Understory, we do relatively brief “drop-in activities” that often involve stretching or breathing together. For direct action workshops and longer events, I like to invite people into a practice of gratitude that reflects the intention of the gathering. Last week, at a convening for abolitionist organizers, I led a gratitude-centered grounding exercise that some participants found helpful. I’m sharing the text of that exercise here in case any of you would like to borrow or adapt it. I said:
Arrival is a process, and I think that’s especially true right now, given that our hearts and minds are being pulled between so many fronts of struggle and sites of contestation. Our hopes and fears are moving through cycles of chaos right now. And so, I wanted to offer us an intentional moment to arrive in this space together. This grounding exercise is an invitation, not a requirement, so please feel free to engage or disengage from it, depending on what feels right for you.
If you are joining me in this exercise, I invite you to close your eyes and to get comfortable in your seat. Feel your feet against the floor, feel your back against your chair, and without changing anything, feel your breath, as it moves in and out of your body. Untense your shoulders, and allow yourself to experience a moment of ease. Breathe in some gratitude for the people who inspired you to pursue this work.
I invite you to think about someone who made you feel empowered, or politically energized, or brave, and welcome the spirit of that connection into this space with us.
I invite you to think about a protest or action that made you feel like you were doing the right thing, and like you were exactly where you were supposed to be, doing what you were supposed to do, with the people you were supposed to do it with. I invite you to welcome the spirit of that moment into that space.
I invite you to think of someone in whose name you do this work. Today, I am thinking of Chris Geovanis, who was a dear friend and mentor to many of us. I feel called to be more courageous and loving in her absence, and so I welcome her memory and her legacy into this space.
I invite you to welcome the love and the gratitude and the grief that we feel for everyone who fuels our struggles into this space.
I invite you to touch your heart and thank our ancestors and the organizers whose movements our movements are built upon for giving us a lineage and legacy to build from. And I would like to thank you all for arriving with me in this moment, and in this space.
After the grounding exercise, I asked one of my friends how it went. They told me, “I felt better, and I’m not woo-woo.”
Some people may feel that grounding exercises, centering activities, and breathing exercises are, in fact, too “woo-woo.” This is why I always extend such activities as an invitation that people can engage with or decline.
There was a time, years ago, when I was dismissive of breathing exercises and anything I considered “too crunchy.” But my opinion shifted upon learning about the connection between the rhythm of our breath and the rhythms of our brain chemistry. Every form of arousal we experience—from waking up in the morning to becoming alert, distressed, or turned on—is linked to our breath. For this reason, deep breaths can function as a reset button that can help us regulate our emotions, refocus our attention, and zero in on our priorities and intentions.
A Minute For Us
Recognizing the emotional crisis that many people are experiencing, Choose Democracy has created an ongoing call to action to help address people’s emotional needs in this moment. The #MinuteOfUs project calls for a one-minute moment of silence every Wednesday at 12:53 pm (local time) “for those hurt and suffering due to the current administration and the damage they are causing to this country and around the globe.”
The organizers chose the time 12:53 pm because, according to Choose Democracy, “This is when the January 6th protestors, now pardoned, first crossed the police barricades and when the three richest people in the world — Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, and Mark Zuckerberg — all were seated for Donald Trump’s inauguration.”
Participants are encouraged to engage in reflection, meditation, prayer, and other silent activities. Organizers say that some people might invoke silence as an act of protest by blocking an intersection, standing silently in class together, or by displaying artful messages or signs for one minute. Others might gather online for a moment of meditation or prayer, or silently distribute the phone numbers of elected officials during this time.
Organizer Daniel Hunter told me, “Folks who are still frozen have found [Minute of Us to be] a good excuse to connect with others and get into motion. For people in motion, it's been healthy to slow down, just for a minute, so we can intentionally catch our breaths and deepen our practice of pacing for the long haul.”
Hold On to What’s Beautiful
During a recent Understory session, some of us were airing our grief over the harms this administration is inflicting, and talking about what practices have helped us during this time. Andrea Ritchie shared that she had been reading a poem every night from the book Incantations For Rest: Poems, Meditations, and Other Magic by Atena O. Danner. Atena is a friend of mine, and her poetry has been a source of strength for me as well. Lately, I have often thought of her poem, “Dear Fear,” in which she writes:
I see you, Fear. I hear you. I know you.
I’m not mad at you and I don’t believe you.
Fear, you are like my teenage child. Sibling. Self.
You flinch and you protect. You warn. You need rest.
Let me relieve you, guard you while you sleep.
I see you still and breathing.
I gently close the door
and step away.
You may or may not share my love of poetry. Perhaps you love fiction. Perhaps you love Star Trek. Perhaps you love the movement of water or the sound of its surface tension breaking. Perhaps you love watching your cat perform acrobatic feats or stumble with all the clumsiness of a human. Maybe you find beauty in the smile of a loved one or in music that makes you dance before you realize your body is moving. Wherever you find beauty in this world, remember to hold it close. Do not allow the ugliness of these times to eclipse it. We are here to bear witness to all that fascinates and astonishes us, as surely as we must bear witness to injustice. To fight the inhumanity of our enemies, we must nurture our own humanity and cherish what makes our existence meaningful and worthwhile. Or as my friend Andrea says, “Find at least one moment of beauty, joy, laughter, and pleasure every day. Because fuck them.”
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